If life is just a song, then our relationships are the dance that goes along with it. The trouble is, while women want their men to lead, some of them simply have “two left feet.” While some men are natural leaders, others suffer greatly when attempting to lead in the “quality time” department. I’ve seen several couples as a licensed professional counselor, and for most of them, the women had no problems communicating their needs via face to face exchanges, telephone conversations, via text, and any other way one can think to communicate. The problem is, their communication efforts were usually not reciprocated. I do imagine that some of the men in those particular relationships may have been resistant, but for many, they just weren’t motivated. What motivates a man to call, text, and make his woman a priority?
Before I give you 5 tips for creating an environment of healthy quality time, I’ll first tell you what does not motivate men. I’ve spoken about it several times in prior posts; nagging!
In my professional opinion, the most likely method to ensure that a man does nothing to change is to nag him. Nagging is just counter-productive and demeaning. I suggest women use the 5 steps instead:
1. Take self inventory. I often stress the concept of knowing thyself and this is essential here. We often want things in relationships that we don’t personally give. Many women want more time and attention from their men, but healthy and positive attention is not something that the women may offer.
2. Model the love you want. The law of attraction is paramount here; to get more love, women should display more love. The idea is to model exactly what you prefer to receive, but refrain from nagging before he has a chance to exhibit his love to you. Some women exclude themselves from getting positive attention from their men because of their own negative attitudes.
3. Assume that your partner does not read minds. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a respectful face to face dialogue session about expectations. I do believe that partners should check in often about their individual and collective goals for the relationship. This should take place at an agreed upon time with as little interruptions as possible. Even this “expectation talk” sets the tone for the need for uninterrupted quality time in the relationship.
4. Notice his efforts. I have a saying that “all progress is progress.” Comment on the fact that he is making an effort and this will in turn motivate him to continue to do those things that are important to you. When a woman shows a man that she respects him, as evidenced by her willingness to follow, she gives him the freedom to lead in his own way. The more respect he gets, the more love he will display.
5. Remember that relationships take time to build, then re-build. If you keep this in mind, your relationship will not go stagnate, because you are always looking for ways to add zest to the partnership. Since it is a partnership, it is important to remember that things always flow easier when the two parties are facing the same direction-towards a positive future.